Windows to the Soul:
Next time someone gives you the eye, pay attention. Intensely green-eyed peepers purportedly denote jealousy and sexual creativity; blue eyes suggest sincerity and intellect; gray ones are calculating; and brown oglers imply flirtation in youth and loyalty with age. Lailan Young's book The Naked Face claims that upward slanting eyes are a sign of a sensual personality, and studies have shown that the pupils dilate up to twice their normal size when someone is aroused.

The Nose Knows:
Muhammad Ibn Kamil al Misri's Encyclopedia of Pleasure declared that a man with a big nose and wide nostrils has a strong penis but lacks the stamina to satisfy. Other beliefs hold that women with long, thin noses have large sexual extremities. The lusty and daring types have turned-up noses, the tempestuous have pointed ones, the lazy have short noses, and the loyal, remember-everything folks have fat snouts.

Pucker Up:
Young's book claims that the little indented space just above your lip, the philtrum, is related to sex drive: anything wider than a half-inch suggests a ravenous appetite for doing the nasty. Look to the lips for other tips: protruding bottom lips are a sign of sensuality but when upper lips stick out it signifies intense horniness. Those with wrinkly mouths tell lies, folks with droopy-cornered mouths get jealous, the big-mouthed types are generous and good conversationalists but jump to conclusions, and those with small cake-holes are likely selfish and indecisive. Women with hairy lips are destined to be rich (good thing, too: electrolysis ain't cheap).

Chin Chin:
Receding chins are a sign of weak will or character ("I dunno, what do YOU want to do") while a pointy chin implies the opposite ("I've taken the liberty of ordering FOR you"). A square, prominent chin denotes self-restraint and will power ("I want to wait until I turn 30") and a flat chin suggests viciousness and a fondness for food ("Can I hit you with my wet noodle?").

Listen Up:
Dumbo-ears are said to grace the heads of the generous and course, and weenie ones belong to the miserly and close-fisted. A square-shaped ear hints at a noble heart but a flat ear warns of a lack of refinement. The Naked Face claims that those with small lobes have intense sexual urges but overcompensate their cravings and end up pleasuring their partners more than themselves (oh, to have THAT problem).

Hair's a Thought:
The hairier the man, the more vivacious he ought to be. Hairy knuckles for the wealthy, hairy palms for the mad. Lank hair grows from the cunning, and curly from the cheerful and lucky. But beware the bushy-haired who are said to be dimwitted: abundant tresses divert nourishment from the brain. Carrot-tops are tempered, the fair-haired may be weak, and brunettes possess great strength.

Will You Take This Hand? :
Here is the church, here is the steeple. Superstition has it that if your right thumb rests on top when you clasp hands you have dominatrix tendencies and the opposite holds true for the left thumb. Pointy fingers denote strong sensual appetites (all the better to probe you with, my dear), women with triangular-shaped nails cannot keep a secret, the curvy-thumbed are impetuous and generous, and small hands denote impulsiveness and intuitiveness.

Eye the brows:
Even within the eyebrows lurk tell-tale signs concerning the true nature of that suitor sitting across the dinner table from you. It is said that broad eyebrows denote a generous disposition. However, proceed with caution if they be bushy or long, for it could mean that otherwise perfect date may in fact harbor conceited, selfish and even foolhardy tendencies!

The Whole Picture:
So what does the perfect date look like? They'd likely have upward-slanting eyes, a turned-up nose, a wide philtrum, a flat chin, small earlobes, hairy knuckles, pointy fingers and a broad brow. Personally, I'd settle for the small lobes.

CTV.ca News Staff